He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
