I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
