apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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