when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
