I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
