ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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