so explain again why im purple
no
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
