I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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