But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
