Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
