the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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