tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
