Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
