What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
