Cold hands, warm shart.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
