Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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