I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
