My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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