there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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