Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
