can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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