Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
