My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
