Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
