Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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