I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
