I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They are going to name an STD after you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
