The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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