I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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