I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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