just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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