Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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