this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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