saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
