I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
