Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
