What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
