I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
