This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
