it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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