I'm lost and stupid without you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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