found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
