Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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