i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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