i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
