Redeem this text for a blowjob
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
