Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
