The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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