I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
