Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
