please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
